NLP and ADHD Anger Management

• Managing anger for a boy with ADHD
• What is Neuro Linguistic Programming?
• The Confident YOU. An exercise for you to try yourself
• A brief intro about how we 'code'our emotions

I was teaching children with special needs at the time. Not only was it topical, but ADHD impacted heavily on the schools I visited.

Truth was, I dreaded working with these children. I felt I knew so little, despite reading many books. Most of these children were prescribed Ritalin, a central nervous system stimulant drug.

School exclusion was common, due to their impulsive, disruptive and often dangerous behaviour. In fact, more than 4 million American children ages 4 to 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD; more than half diagnosed are being treated with drugs. (Source. NCQA - National Committee for Quality Assurance)Additionally almost 50% of children with AHDH have been suspended from school at some point.

I read an article on healing ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) with NLP. That Neuro Linguistic Programming article must have been very well written because the very next day I got to try it out....and it worked. It worked so beautifully, so effortlessly. I hadn't even trained at the time.

My 20-minute NLP conversation with that child certainly changed his school experience, both his, and other people's expectations of him...and his life from that point forward.

How? It showed him that he was in control of his brain, not the other way around. It put him in the driving seat of his emotional behaviour.

Here is an extract from an article I wrote about the whole experience.

Josh's story I sat with J..., built rapport with him and engaged him in conversation. All the time he was playing with a ‘Rubiks cube’ and giving me virtually no eye contact. During the conversation he told me he had 'kicked off' in class. I went through the process I’d only read about at that time. I asked him about the images, sounds etc. he experienced in his head when he was 'kicking off.' He told me they were Dexter cartoons , and that the sound was kind of s-l-u-r-r-y. I guided him to go back into his mind and 'turn off' his internal pictures one by one. This he did until he had one fixed colour picture. His internal audio i.e. the s-l-u-r-r-y sound, he sped up until it was a normal speed. He even tried to get back his old images, just to check it out for himself. How did I know it was working? As we went through the process and ‘chatted’ he fiddled less and less with the Rubik's cube until finally he placed it on the table in front of him. Wow, he then gave me full eye contact and we just talked a normal conversation. I told the Headteacher about our experience and she totally took it on board. When a ‘kicking off’ was anticipated she asked him, 'Do you remember the work you did with Mrs. O.? How many pictures do you have now? In that short time not only did he learn a strategy to deal with the stress, distress and anger he felt, but discovered something he thought was impossible. He controlled his brain, not the other way around.

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P.S. It doesn't only work with kids and is not limited to ADHD.

It was along time ago and I publish the story here because it was so amazing. He was the first child I used NLP techniques with, and I have worked with hundreds more since, with fantastic results. For me, that 20 minutes, becalmed my own fears of ADHD and challenged me to make a difference

If you are a parent who is concerned about your child's behaviour then check out this site: www.adhd-bipolar-and-beyond.com for comprehensive information about the condition.

Why NLP?

Still today, Neuro Linguistic Programming( NLP )is still very much part of my life. It has been my life saver. I remember so clearly the weekends away on courses in the year 2000 - welcome respite from my otherwise depressed home-life.

It has enabled me to live the life I choose, to be comfortable in my own skin, and to be free.

What is Neuro Linguistic Programming? ( NLP )

Neuro refers to the mind and how we organise our thinking
Linguistic is about HOW we use language and its affect upon us
Programming is about our sequences of repetitive behaviour and how we act with purpose

NLP has been called

• the study of human excellence
• the owner's guide to the mind
• the study of subjective experience
• software for the brain

NLP evolved from the study and 'modelling' of highly effective people in a variety of fields. The question posed was 'what's the difference that makes the difference' between average and excellent.

The training courses develop awareness of the sensory components of any experience, emotion or moment in time. For example to have a feeling of confidence certain characteristics hold true for you. These relate to:

1. body language - e.g upright, balanced posture
2. internal picture - you may see yourself in a photo or video
3. inner self-talk - you may hear praise or encouragement from your inner voice or from a relative, partner or loved one
4. smells and tastes - there may be other sensory information attached to YOUR feeling confident
5. additional sensory information - e.g particular breathing pattern

When a critical element is changed or missing, then you no longer feel confident, but some other emotion.

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The Confident YOU - Try this NLP exercise for yourself.

Read through the instructions below fully before beginning.

1. Allow yourself about 20 minutes uninterrupted time. Best to get a friend to help you. They can write down your words and make their own outside observations to add to your 'knowing.'

2. Choose a positive emotion like confidence. The easiest way to do this is to:- inside your head - go back NOW to a time when you were confident
   • Ask your friend to allow you time to really access the 'state' of confidence.

     They will know when you are there, they will notice a change in your body language and physiology. Your skin tone, your breathing....even your blink rate may change.

3. NOW they can ask you:

   What are you seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling?

   Is there anything else about YOU feeling confident?

   Stick with it and explore it - get that friend to write it all down for you.

4. When you have enough information, and if you want to, then 'step out' of confidence. A good way to 'break the state' is to prime your friend beforehand to ask you a silly question e.g. what's the capital of London.

NOTE; The best information is gained when you really 'step into' the confident YOU. Seeing a picture of yourself being confident will not access the internal qualities of being confident, so valuable information will be lost.

What is the point of all this? (NLP submodalities)

Knowing the critical elements of any momentary feeling (state) enables you to access that feeling any time and also to make it even better.

Now answer these questions about YOUR confidence just then in the above exercise.

Internal pictures in your mind's eye	movie/still	colour/ black and white bright/dim
Self-talk or inner voice	loud/soft near/far	critical tone/reassuring tone
Feeling	What is it like	Where in your body?

What did you find out? Was there anything that surprised you?

You can do the same for your friend if they are willing. They might like to choose a different emotion. I strongly suggest you keep them positive emotions though.

Next Step

STEP ONE
Access that confident state again.(I assume that your pictures were in colour and that the tone was reassuring - you reserve the right to use different words of course.)

STEP TWO
Firstly let me explain that you are going to change those characteristics ONE AT A TME and EVER SO SLIGHTLY and evaluate their effect

ALWAYS return them to their original level before tweaking another one.

ALWAYS reset it to the previous level.

RESET RESET...to your original

Now try this: Adjust the sound of the internal voice. Can you make it more reassuring (whatever was your positive characteristic).
NEXT. RESET your last adjustment. Check that you are in your confident state (or feeling even more confident)

Break State.! i.e Step out of the 'state' of confidence, shake it off, move about or do something different.

FINALLY. It's usually a good idea to drink a glass of water.Back to top

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